What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
