Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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