she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
