I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
