Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
