Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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