At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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