I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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