i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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