i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
