Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
