I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
