You're my little dorito
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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