just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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