Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
