Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
