i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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