she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
