Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
