There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
