Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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