Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
