the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize