see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She announced her abortion via fbk
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
