Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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