glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
