I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
