Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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