I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
