his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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