you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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