I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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