its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
