you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
