I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
