You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
