he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
