I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
