your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
