just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
