After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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