Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
