I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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