Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
