I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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