When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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