he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize