eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
