why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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