I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
