I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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