can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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