I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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