We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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