you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Randomize
