Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
