theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
