You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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