ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
