you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
