That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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