After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think a kid would responsible me up
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
