he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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